Happiness

(translation, and a heavy one at that)
Date: 5-12-2013

Right, so, it's 5 am, just woke up from an abrupt and early going to sleep the other day in my trying to stop a heavy, heavy head pain; And while staying alone, in the dark, I started to contemplate again on the notion of happiness; And in all fairness the image i get seems to be a lot clearer from the last time when i was alone in the car, freezing =)). ((It's more upbeat than that, but it somehow gets darker in the translation, meh))
Whatever, so i woke up with a very well etched image in my mind... well it's not the image that counts, the image is just a means for the sentiment it portrays; I'm saying the sentiment is the object of focus here... But, fuck it, i'll detail it for further reference.
I see it.. as a picture, an image stuck in time, like a fly stuck in amber; I was a kid, at school, gymnasium ? class 1-4, fuck it, anyway, it was night-time, wait so class 5-8, and i swear i was so happy.(( 1-4 i had class in the morning, 5-8 i had class in the afternoon))
I was close to going home, i think, but i doubt that was the magical reason for my happiness, i felt, however, that it (the happening) was a piece of the happiness i used to take for granted. Anyway, i'm glad my brain chose a winter night to convey that feeling, so calm, so serene.
Back to my point (but i don't wanna!), happiness gets defined by it's absence, meaning "happiness" is more poignant the more you don't have it. Take as an example that story i just said...
No, actually, as an example, i will never know how happy driving makes me until i will no longer be able to drive.
It makes it that much more obvious, the moment you stop having it, and it gets added to the sum of your experiences as a point/line on a scale of happiness. And that is how you form your sense for happiness; Your enjoyment is a result on a scale of your past experiences.
Well that is not happiness, i just lack a better term, being so close related to happiness itself.
And by "happiness itself" i mean the happiness you feel as a product, the "on the spot" feeling.
The on the spot happiness is a happiness reported to your past joyful experiences.
That's why, the more you age, the more, cynicism gets more pregnant, the more you are left feeling like a sad piece of shit. Because finding sources of happiness gets harder and harder compared to your youthful years when the face of your parents made you laugh.
What i'm trying to say is that, i strongly believe, after all this, that happiness is a flux of feeling; it's different from a pill you take and: bam! you're happy. You can't be happy without knowing what happiness is. Just like time.
And what we are looking for, in life, is happiness, new happy experiences.
When i said happiness is like time, i started thinking... where/when does your first experience of happiness begin?
Does "life" give you happiness the moment you are born? Meaning: when you are born, on top of a functioning body to hold you in this reality, do you also get a "life" with the key and implicitly the start of happiness? and of all the other feelings?
Absolute happiness, if i were to formulate it, would be ...
/ A body with zero past happy experiences to which you artificially insert a new happiness (meaning he should not feel it himself) /  The new happiness must be... perfect, in the sense that it should contain in it or with it the feeling of not having that happiness, a happiness that exists and yet doesn't exist.
I started thinking now, as a result, if maybe we are here as a means to measure the inner workings of an absolute.
The experiments of some sort of original beings, that are much more advanced than us, but that have the same mission as us...looking for an answer to the universe (dependent on semantics, i'm not referring to a cluster of stars). And this is not a new idea that came out of this ...text, but rather one that i hope would give meaning to my next train of thought.
So, given that we have been talking about the absolute up till now, i wanted to say that we are here as an experiment, a means to measure the inner workings of an absolute, but from the perspective of entities(can be regarded as gods in the literal sense) governed by absolute; in the same way, i guess, we are governed by infinity.
Our "souls" are sent here, placed in a costume ( our body) in order for us to be able to survive in this dimension.
Think about it, the body is infinite whilst the soul is absolute.
The body is made out of materials in this world (infinite) whilst the soul doesn't exist per say, doesn't have mass, is not an object, it exists as a concept. The way they are sown together is a great mystery and must be advanced technology.((I'm officially a hippie ))
The soul, in my mind, is everything i have discussed up till now, a decoder for our senses with absolute origins. It's a possibility that the place that sends the souls, has them as stand alone entities.
- Trying to make it longer so i don't skip details, so i can have the same feeling when i read it again.
...
Been sitting for about 10 minutes, staring at the ceiling like an idiot...
The idea in the bible, the bible itself, has logic with everything i have said so far. It's like a book left from "the others". An user manual, if u will, to serve their purposes.
Same way, the idea of Apocalypse, before he comes ( i think that's how it went) makes sense ~.
What would the sense be, in showing themselves to so many people? Somebody,supported by the existence of his peers behind him, is bound to ask questions that... would "strike a nerve", and that would there-on-after corrupt the masses into dealing with it. People are so much easier to fool when they are separated ( herd mentality )
This charade would be in the detriment of this world's exploration, when you are trying to set yourself free.

Meh... ideas... 6:04